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September 16, 2002
9:10 p.m.
"There You'll Be" - Faith Hill


I must complain right now that babies should come with some sort of mouth plug that stops all sound from escaping their heads, because they have this innate and instinctive ability to wail as loud as they can in a way that pierces through even a shut door.  That was how my day began.  It started at 5 a.m. when Caitlyn showed up and immediately began crying.  And then Zeke came in an hour or so later, and then Joey.  And by then, Loki was laying on my head and doing his best to drool on me and keep me from breathing.  But I didn't move because he managed to muffle the sound enough that I was able to get back to sleep.

And what is it about people and driving?!  Is everyone insane around here that they feel like they have to drive ten under the speed limit in the middle lane, cut across every single lane in front of me to get to the exit that has never moved since I've been here or even the fact that if you're going to get out from behind the moron who can't quite accelerate on to the interstate and get in front of me, you could at least accelerate faster than the moron you were behind, rather than pace them.  I think that there is a part of me that could live happily ever after if I didn't have to drive anywhere.  That would be after, of course, having Mike live with me, though.

Work was okay, although I got there and my boss, who was supposed to have already been there and have the store opened, was conspicuously not.  So Kevin and I went in through the side and almost had to climb over the wall to get into the store; fortunately one of the doors had not been locked so that was unnecessary.  Damn.  And I wanted to save the day with a stunning climb over the wall and leap down to the ground.  Ah well, my superhero days will come soon enough. 

I spent probably a good hour writing an email to Mike telling him about my morning and how much I missed him (yes, I am that pathetic!) and how much I can't wait to go up and see him this weekend.  I get really pathetic with him sometimes, and I'm struggling to find that balance between being affectionate with him how I'd like and being funny and a friend to him so that he doesn't feel smothered.  It's that whole dilemma that women run into all the time.  Do we give him the love we'd love to show him or do we play it safe and aloof and only show what he shows first?  But if we do the second, then there is the possibility that he gets tired of doing it all first and thinks you do it only out of a response to him.  But then again, there is always that large step that some woman takes that sends the men scurrying away like a roach when the lights go on, and then you find out how casual the whole relationship is.

"I love you" is so different in definition between and man and a woman.  A man says "I love you" and he expects only that you love him.  Some might expect a sort of exclusive relationship out of it, there will be more sex, and an occasional sleepover, but never, ever bring your own stuff over and leave it there.  That indicates another step in the relationship that you haven't taken yet.  "I love you" to a woman means that she suddenly starts tearing up whenever she sees a wedding on some TV show, that she starts looking at jewelry, especially rings that have a single stone to them, that she begins to secretly start writing her name with his last name, and that she expects that you 'make love' on occasion instead of the sex that you've been having.

Don't get me wrong, I'm female at heart and I have done a lot of that since I've said the words to him on August 9.  (Yes, I remember the day I told him)  And there have been a couple times that he's said he was "making love" to just makes me all the more female to be completely ecstatic .

Anyway, I digress.  At quarter to 11, I answer the phone and I hear him say 'hello' and my heart leaps in my throat.  He's called me at work again!  It just makes me entirely giddy when he tells me that he just wanted to hear my voice and tell me he loves me.  He says all the right things to me every single time and gives me this little boost for getting through the day.  We talked for a few minutes and I got to hear him laugh at something I said that was intentionally amusing.  But then I had to go because I was afraid that my boss would walk up and ask what was going on and then explain my boyfriend was calling me.  Although that would have been very nice to tell him that and to please leave me alone so I could have some quality time with him.  Unfortunately, I like my paycheck just a little too well.

Work sucked, but I managed through the day without any sort of snide comments from my boss, nor any instructions on how to do my job as he's wont to tell me.  I told Jennifer about what I did this weekend and she told me about the wedding and how April looked and everything.  She's still hurting a little from being away from Rob, but she's coping okay right now.  I'm sure the wedding killed her, despite how happy she was for her friend.

I had a great conversation with Zeno about his girlfriend and I can't express how giddy I am to find that he's falling in love with a woman who is close to his age, intelligent and genuinely loves him for who he is and not just the badges on his chest or the American citizenship he possesses. Either way, when I told him he needed to bring her down for my birthday and meet all of us, as well as meet Mike, he seemed extremely happy about it and I could almost hear the giddy laughter in his voice.  He really deserves this, and I hope that it lasts for him.

Goddess find that tomorrow is another day just like today, where I can go to sleep knowing that I'm happy and loved.  LOL...but then again, I've never been known to have a completely good day unless I was with Mike.