September 17, 2002
11:45 a.m.
"A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton

 

Cor! He does it every single time! I wasn’t feeling well, and so I sit down after a meeting with my boss where I came away not feeling all that good, and there’s an email from him. How can I not smile and think that he’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever known when I see this:

I Love You!!!!!!

hi sweetie! i just figured id let you know that because i dont say it enough for the massive amounts of attention and affection you require…..ok hun, its time for me to leave for work, ill be thinking abotu you all day today and the four days i have to wait for until i can see you again!!!! i cant wait to see you again!! i love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

How’s that for making any woman smile? Maybe I should let him know that it’s three more days before he sees me, maybe that will make him smile.

I still don’t know what it is about his ex-girlfriends that made them leave him. Jill and him were together off and on for about five or six years, and told him she couldn’t stand being around him, Mary gave him up for some reason. The Army, I think, but I don’t know. He and Crystal never became much of an item, and neither did the girl he took to prom just this last May. (Although from what he said, she wanted more) Beth wanted him, as much as I did, but he didn’t want her, so that’s something of a consolation, but…it boggles my mind that someone would say to him "I can’t stand being around you". That someone wouldn’t want him forever. He’s sweet and considerate, he’s incredibly affectionate and playful, he’s damn good looking and modest about it. There isn’t one thing about him that I don’t love and I can’t see why those before me just threw it away.

Grrrr…d’you know, I think that my boss is pissing me off today? He tells me how to make copies as if I didn’t have a brain in me, and the only thing I can think of is that it’s because there are times that I wait to print something out for him because I’m waiting to see if there are any more updates. He’s such a wanker sometimes that it just amazes me that he’s made it as far as he has! If he thinks that women should be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, why is it that our office consists of 10 people, and only four are men? We’re hiring another person on, and she comes in on Monday. So the odds become greater. But he still thinks we’re probably nothing more than a bunch of flipskirts for his amusement.

I go to look at an apartment today, but I keep hesitating. I haven’t even told Mike I am because I’m not sure how he’s going to take it. Every piece of me wants to move up with him right now and be with him and I’m worried that he’s going to think that because I’m getting my own place that I have no plans on moving in with him. That isn’t even close to the truth. The reality of it is, when I do move, I think I’d rather it be after he gets back from AT in February, so that I’m not stuck in this strange city all my myself while he’s gone for 19 days. I’m going to tell him about it this weekend when I see him though, because I’d rather talk to him about this face to face rather than over the phone. I’m sure that it’ll all be noted down here when I get back this weekend, though. Along with some choice encounters that I’ll wish to remember fondly.

Have you ever been faced with a decision in your life, where you can keep your mouth shut, hold on to your job, or say exactly what you want and lose it? Well, I kept my job, sadly enough, but when asked by my boss: "How are you doing? Is there anything I need to change?", you get so tempted to tell him exactly what you think he can change. I wanted to tell him: "Yes! You can stop being a prick! You can stop thinking that women belong in the kitchen and you can stop talking down to us! You can allow us to make copies and file things away without you telling us how to do it and just let us do it! You're a fucking asshole and no one likes you, but we all like our paychecks, so we just smile and kiss your ass!" But I didn't say it, no matter the temptation. Someday, I hope to be able to, though.