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September 17, 2002
11:45 a.m.
"A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton


Cor! He does it every single time! I wasnít feeling well, and so I sit down after a meeting with my boss where I came away not feeling all that good, and thereís an email from him. How can I not smile and think that heís the most wonderful man Iíve ever known when I see this:

I Love You!!!!!!

hi sweetie! i just figured id let you know that because i dont say it enough for the massive amounts of attention and affection you requireÖ..ok hun, its time for me to leave for work, ill be thinking abotu you all day today and the four days i have to wait for until i can see you again!!!! i cant wait to see you again!! i love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Howís that for making any woman smile? Maybe I should let him know that itís three more days before he sees me, maybe that will make him smile.

I still donít know what it is about his ex-girlfriends that made them leave him. Jill and him were together off and on for about five or six years, and told him she couldnít stand being around him, Mary gave him up for some reason. The Army, I think, but I donít know. He and Crystal never became much of an item, and neither did the girl he took to prom just this last May. (Although from what he said, she wanted more) Beth wanted him, as much as I did, but he didnít want her, so thatís something of a consolation, butÖit boggles my mind that someone would say to him "I canít stand being around you". That someone wouldnít want him forever. Heís sweet and considerate, heís incredibly affectionate and playful, heís damn good looking and modest about it. There isnít one thing about him that I donít love and I canít see why those before me just threw it away.

GrrrrÖdíyou know, I think that my boss is pissing me off today? He tells me how to make copies as if I didnít have a brain in me, and the only thing I can think of is that itís because there are times that I wait to print something out for him because Iím waiting to see if there are any more updates. Heís such a wanker sometimes that it just amazes me that heís made it as far as he has! If he thinks that women should be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, why is it that our office consists of 10 people, and only four are men? Weíre hiring another person on, and she comes in on Monday. So the odds become greater. But he still thinks weíre probably nothing more than a bunch of flipskirts for his amusement.

I go to look at an apartment today, but I keep hesitating. I havenít even told Mike I am because Iím not sure how heís going to take it. Every piece of me wants to move up with him right now and be with him and Iím worried that heís going to think that because Iím getting my own place that I have no plans on moving in with him. That isnít even close to the truth. The reality of it is, when I do move, I think Iíd rather it be after he gets back from AT in February, so that Iím not stuck in this strange city all my myself while heís gone for 19 days. Iím going to tell him about it this weekend when I see him though, because Iíd rather talk to him about this face to face rather than over the phone. Iím sure that itíll all be noted down here when I get back this weekend, though. Along with some choice encounters that Iíll wish to remember fondly.

Have you ever been faced with a decision in your life, where you can keep your mouth shut, hold on to your job, or say exactly what you want and lose it? Well, I kept my job, sadly enough, but when asked by my boss: "How are you doing? Is there anything I need to change?", you get so tempted to tell him exactly what you think he can change. I wanted to tell him: "Yes! You can stop being a prick! You can stop thinking that women belong in the kitchen and you can stop talking down to us! You can allow us to make copies and file things away without you telling us how to do it and just let us do it! You're a fucking asshole and no one likes you, but we all like our paychecks, so we just smile and kiss your ass!" But I didn't say it, no matter the temptation. Someday, I hope to be able to, though.