|September 23, 2002|
|Crystal - Stevie Nicks|
|I experienced a
There comes a time in a your life when you know that you are in the right place, at the right time and the right moment, and the entire world around you will just slow to a crawl and come to a stop until there is nothing but you and him and the world around you pauses in reflection and appreciation. I got that this weekend. It wasn't anything monumental, there wasn't anything particularly profound in what happened. It just felt right. We had just walked out of the concert (which you will hear about later) and we were walking down the sidewalk, side by side. And the wind picked up, brushing across my skin and the sounds were muted, and it was then that I knew. I knew this was exactly the right moment.
You get one perfect moment and you crave more because everything feels just right. It's that comfortable feeling of complete happiness that you want so badly. For now, I'll take my one and remember the smells, the sounds, the feel of everything and wait for the next one, if I'm lucky enough to get it. But on to what happened this weekend besides my perfect moment.
I left work and drove up to see him as quickly as I could. I tried driving the speed limit, although there were a lot of policemen until I hit the state line. I couldn't help it though! It's so difficult to drive responsibly when you know that the man you are so completely head over heels in love with is sitting in his room waiting for you to show up. As it was, I took only necessary bathroom breaks (i.e. I stopped when it became unbearable) and got there in something like 8 1/2 hours. Which isn't too bad, considering that I had rush hour traffic in the tunnel getting out of the city.
How can I describe how my heart beats when I see him standing there smiling at me? How can I possibly convey into words what it feels like when he wraps his arms around me and I can smell him and feel him against me? There is nothing that compares in this world to me that smile of his, nor is there anything that comes close to the simple scent of him. It's a mixture of him, his cologne, the detergent of his shirts, everything. I can press up against him and hug him close and know that's exactly where I need to be, I know it's exactly where I always want to be with him. When I got out of the car, he came walking down the sidewalk with that smile on his face and said, "Hi, sweetie." His arms closed around me and it was all I could do to just stand against the torrent of emotions that swept through me.
We went into the house and he took me up to his room where we sat and talked for a little bit, about the drive, about work, and other things. And then he kissed me. My knees go weak. That sounds like a poor 50's song, but it's so much truth. We took our time in undressing each other and when we made love...I missed him so much, and to have him there with me, sharing that, it makes me wish I were there all the time. I know that I've said it once or three times before, but he is incredible. It's in the way his hands move, the way he kisses me, the way he brushes my hair back, the way he tells me he loves me so much. Maybe it's more than just him. Maybe it's the two of us. It's something, because it's never been like this for me, ever.
When we disentangled ourselves and got dressed, we headed downstairs to cuddle on the couch and watch John Q, which was a very good movie the first time I'd seen it. But halfway through it, with him laying behind me on the couch, arm around me, we fell asleep. We woke when the credits started rolling, long enough to grab the blanket and go back to sleep. Waking up with him the next morning, arm draped over me, my body spooned against his was...perfect. At one point, his breath was falling on my neck and it felt right. Whenever he'd wake a little, he'd lean forward and kiss the back of my neck, or my shoulder, something so incredibly tender that it nearly makes me cry I miss it so much.
We got up and started moving around about 9:30 and made love again that morning when his mom left the house. That got me energized and moving while he just glared at me for the energy I suddenly possessed. LOL, why is it that women get all this energy after sex while men feel the need to pass out harder than a drunk? It's funny. Anyway, we left eventually, got a room at the Comfort Inn and decided that the rooms are extremely nice for the price. We left quickly after that and drove around for lack of anything better to do. We eventually made it to one of the malls and walked around a little bit. Correction, he steered me into Victoria's Secret to look at the various things that they had there and made me wish I had the money to buy some of it. Ah well. I found a lot of things that I liked, to be sure.
After that, we walked around a little, talking of course, and I was just enjoying being with him. The worst part is I know how much I enjoy it, and most times, I have no idea what he's thinking. I try to make sure he knows that he makes me happy and that I enjoy being around him as much as I do so that he doesn't wonder, but there are times that he is such a man and I don't know. But then again, he'll do something so incredibly sweet that I forget why I wonder.
After we left the mall, we drove around, arguing about whether or not to get anything to eat or not, and if we did, where we would go. It took us perhaps a good 20 minutes of calling each other names affectionately before I made the executive decision to go to Bennigan's, where neither of us had been before. Of course, there was some cussing at me when he found out I hadn't been there, but I just laughed at him because he didn't mean any of it. Dinner/lunch/whatever it could be called at 3 in the afternoon was good and we ended up back at the hotel afterward. Once more, we had sex, incredible, wonderful sex that left me unwilling to get up and move. But move I had to because I had to take my shower and get ready to go see the concert.
We actually got a picture taken of
the two of us once I was prepped and looking okay, and now I have
something to print off and put in a frame. Why? Because women
like to do that. Guys don't seem as keen on keeping a picture all
the time of their girl, but women do. It's a status thing if we have
several pictures of our man, as well as getting flowers and whatnot.
Anyway, I digress. After we go the picture, we left for the concert. We got lost. It was funny, though. He had gotten directions from his brother on how to get there, and Mike misinterpreted them (although I don't see how) and so we ended up driving all through a different part of the city than we needed to be. Eventually we did find the place, but without me, he might have missed a road, gone down a one way street the wrong way, etc. Men. Haha.
We left the Odeon after Disown was done simply because we didn't want to suffer through the last act, and started walking back to the truck. That's when I got my perfect moment. Everything just felt absolutely right and I felt in balance with the world around me. I didn't say anything to him, just enjoyed the moment, and I haven't said anything to him about it since. Why? Probably because he'd laugh at me or something. He's like that sometimes.
We drove back to the hotel room where we promptly broke my personal record and had sex for the fourth time that day. I got into my black slinky negligè that laced up the side and wowed Mike with it, making me smile. Needless to say, we left the negligè on for it and...lol...only slightly kinky but a huge turn on.
I do have this magnificent ability of putting my foot in my mouth, however. It was 2 a.m. when we were laying there, getting to sleep when my mouth started working before my brain and I asked him what I was. (In terms of the relationship) And since I'm just writing this for myself, there's no need to sugarcoat my feelings on this. He told me that at work he calls me his girlfriend for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to explain, but in terms of when he talks to, like, Bryan, he isn't sure what to call me simply because there is this distance between us. Ouch. I didn't realize until that moment how much I wanted him to call me his girlfriend. But how do you call someone that when you only see them for a weekend every three weeks? Right? Sure. It still doesn't change the fact that I want him to introduce me to people saying, "This is my girlfriend, Taryn." Even now, sitting here writing this, it's a dull ache of wanting. Is that wrong to want that? No. Because I love him and when you get that girlfriend/boyfriend status, that indicates a committment that is set in stone with one another and is only broken when you break up. Despite everything, I don't feel like I have the right to ask him not to see someone else. Not with this distance.
I digress. We woke up Sunday morning around 10 or so, snuggled some and then left the hotel, checking out on time and everything and went back to his house where he was going to make me his noodles and broth specialty. While it was cooking, his grandparents showed up and they actually remembered me! His grandmother hugged me and we all sat around talking. At one point I made a witty comment that everyone laughed at, making me feel rather good about myself. We ate the food (which was very good, by the way) and talked to his parents and grandparents until they left. His grandmother hugged me again and told me to drive careful and to come back up again. Goddess, that makes a woman smile when she's accepted by the grandparents! Although I think that his mother isn't quite sure about me yet. If it's because she isn't sure about our relationship or that she just has reservations because I'm so far away, so old, or a hundred other concerns. I will win her over, though, dammit!
After lunch, we went over to his Uncle Scott's house to shoot his paintball gun. I have decided that I want to do that again. Shoot the paintball gun, that is. It was fun, I hit the barrel many times and it was just tons of fun to have that gun in my hands and do well. Obviously I'm not as good as Mike is, but for a first try? Hell yeah! We'd only been shooting for about five minutes when his uncle came home and we went up and talked to them for about 45 minutes. The whole time I'm thinking, "I'm going to be leaving in three hours, can we go home so I can snuggle with you?", but they're still chatting away and then Mike and Scott decide to change Scott's flat tire, leaving me to go out back and talk for a little bit with his aunt.
There is something inherently wrong with just meeting a family member and then having to spend a good part of 15 minutes alone with them talking without the buffer of the boyfriend you're with. But I think I handled myself admirably. We talked about kids, school, books and hobbies, and had gotten on to other subjects as Mike and Scott finally strolled around. We talked for a little bit longer and then Mike and I took our leave, his aunt and uncle telling me it was nice to meet me and to drive careful and whatnot. So, hopefully, they don't think that I'm some sort of freak or pyschotic woman. I said we met through mutual friends and we did a lot of talking over the internet. Which is very true, I just never mentioned that the mutual friends were also internet friends and we hadn't met all of them in person yet.
Anyway, we got back to his house and went up into his room to watch the football game and make love one last time. We had fun, though. He kept acting like he was trying to watch the game and I kept trying to get the remote from his hand. I've never laughed so much during sex, and not in a derogatory way. He makes it so much fun even while it's being completely incredible. But when we were clothed and watching the game again, he pulled me close and kept me close to him until it was time to leave.
I hate leaving.
I didn't cry until later, when I was gone, but I miss him. To describe how I ache to be with him is impossible. I didn't want to leave, he said he didn't want me to leave. But he said that he'd be seeing me "in a month, and then again in November, and then soon enough all the time." I want that "all the time" now. Tonight on IM when we were chatting, he told me that he loved giving me the immense amount of attention I crave, but when I was finally living with him, he'd really give it to me. Right now, I don't know that I need "immense amounts". I'd settle for a kiss on the shoulder or an arm around my waist. Goddess help me, though, that I want it all.
And I'm not going to settle for less.